


there’ll be stranger things to happen than this person interrupting me

by cuckconfidential



Category: Jay Bauman - Fandom, Red Letter Media, RedLetterMedia RPF
Genre: Blushing Jay, F/M, Finger Sucking, M/M, Other, Reader Insert, and the reader is funny because what’s sex without a little comedy, blowjob, fleshlight, gender neutral reader, handjob, inspired by that photo of jay with the fleshlights...oh god, mike sent the fleshlight home with jay so it’s his fault really, oh also the fleshlight is blue because it’s jay, reader catches jay with a fleshlight and ravishes him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:12:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26962696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuckconfidential/pseuds/cuckconfidential
Summary: “The choice in front of you becomes clear: stop what you’re doing and try to push back the tension that you’d created while deciding what to make for dinner or...finger this fake pussy until your boyfriend came in his pants.”Jay brought a fleshlight home. You find him using it. Then you use it on him.
Relationships: Jay Bauman/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	there’ll be stranger things to happen than this person interrupting me

“Didn’t realize how horny you’d be without me around.”

The laugh that comes out of you is uncontrollable as you watch Jay jump in his chair; his knees smack the underside of his desk and the comically large bottle of lube falls into Jay’s lap as your laughter fades into a softer giggle at his expense.

Jay ripped the item that had caught your interest off his dick, clutching it against his chest like it would shield his embarrassment from your view. Eyes wide in shock, his mouth started to make noise before he’d even chosen any words to actually say.

“Ah, babe...god aren’t you supposed to...you said! You said tomorrow, tomorrow you’d be home so I — Mike put it in my car, it was a joke! I swear I’d never need...because I have you for this... _wait_! That’s not what I meant!”

Your giggles have erupted into full on cackling at this point, and your hand is gripping the door handle of Jay’s office as tight as you can to keep from folding into yourself in pure joy. Tears have formed in your eyes as Jay tries to pull himself together physically and mentally before trying to speak again.

“Jay, honey, alright you don’t have to be embarrassed! I already know what it all looks like!”

Carefully you set the lube back onto his desk, leaning next to it while Jay finishes buttoning his jeans back up. You reach your hand out to grab the toy from him, but instead just hold out your palm and wait for Jay to hand it over. Mortified and unable to make eye contact, Jay silently places the toy into your open palm.

“Didn’t realize how lightweight these pocket pussies were, very discreet.”

The fleshlight really is almost weightless in your grip, allowing you to turn it over in your hands with ease. Also pretty damn realistic, at least enough that you avoid staring directly at the actual pussy part of it.

“Feels rude to look at it head on like this.” You flip the fleshlight in your hand, returning it back to Jay with an over exaggerated wink; he has enough modesty to blush. Sometimes this man just makes you want to eat him alive, and he doesn’t even realize it.

“It’s always been rude to stare at a person’s labia directly; virtues and purity and all that,” Jay finally releases the tension in his body he’d been holding since you’d announced your presence.

A shaking breath escapes you as you finally look down at the opening of the fleshlight, shit that is realistic isn’t it? Obviously the real deal typically has some imperfections and a lot more hair than this toy...and it definitely isn’t usually fucking _blue_ but you can’t discredit it for accuracy when it came down to general aesthetics.

Does it actually feel like...?

Without really finishing your own thought you reach back for the lube and click the top open, causing Jay’s eyes to follow your movements carefully. The only indication that he even noticed was the slow raising of his eyebrows when you pour a dollop of the lube onto your fingers.

“What are you—“ The words are dead before you even hear them fully, your two fingers already knuckle deep in the fleshlight. It’s tight and still warm from Jay’s previous encounter with it, but nothing compared to the real thing.

“This is pretty good! Don’t know if I’d have picked a blue one but I’m not going to yuck your yum babe.” You look up at Jay, expecting to see his big dorky smile or one of his special “you big dumbass” looks that he gives you from time to time; fortunately what you’re met with is so much better.

Jay’s full attention is on your fingers, front teeth biting down on his bottom lip like it would keep him alive; you watch him slowly release his lip only to feel yourself gasp when his tongue darts out to wet the same spot he’d been worrying over. Oh you were so _dead_.

The choice in front of you becomes clear: stop what you’re doing and try to push back the tension that you’d created while deciding what to make for dinner or...finger this fake pussy until your boyfriend came in his pants.

Obviously you’d already made your decision, but how were you going to approach it?

Starting off slowly, you pull your fingers back to the entrance of the toy, just barely dipping the tips into it while your pointer finger circles the clit. You chance a look back up towards Jay and sink your middle finger fully into the fleshlight.

Jay is staring, _hard_. Pumping your finger in and out of the pussy, a moan catches in the back of your throat as the blush on Jay’s cheeks deepens and he licks his lips again. Your eyes meet for half a second but he can’t pry his gaze away from your fingers long enough to really communicate anything to you.

“Maybe I’ll just start reviewing pocket pussies now, order the entire stock and finger away until I find my Cinderella.” You add a second finger, wondering how Jay would react if you used your mouth too. No, plenty of time for that later.

“Oh fuck,” Jay gasps out his words. Eyes clenched so tight, he covers your hand with his own and groans like he’s already so close to cumming. You keep pumping your fingers inside of the toy, waiting for him to recover from wherever his mind had brought him.

“You can’t _finger a fake cunt_ and make jokes, babe.”

“Why not? Pretty sure you usually love when I multitask in the bedroom.” You both laugh, a full chuckle from you and a single snort from Jay. Ah, there’s the typical look.

“Not the only thing I love, is it?”

Jay leans forward to kiss you, laughing against your mouth.

Another moment, so small and full of love that it aches in your stomach; instantly it becomes a memory you never want to let go of, feeling the emotions lighting up your entire body. You’re overcome by a million insatiable thoughts about your boyfriend and his current predicament.

“Oh I am going to _ruin_ you Jay Bauman.”

You drop down to your knees before even finishing your words, grabbing at his zipper and pulling at the waist of his jeans in a frenzy. You stop just long enough to look up at Jay, trying to make sure he’s not too lost in the moment. He’s smiling at you, mouth sitting slightly ajar and he’s leaning back into his chair as if he doesn’t really believe what’s happening in front of him; too cute for his own goddamn good.

“Question is, do I use my mouth?” You start softly, trailing your hands away from Jay’s spread legs and open jeans, up towards the buttons of his shirt. One by one you undo his shirt buttons to expose the beautiful expanse of hair and skin underneath; revealing Jay’s soft tummy and nipples to your wicked eyes, thoughts yelling even louder at the sight of him.

“Or do you want me to use your new friend?”

You circle each of Jay’s nipples with your nails, just hard enough to make his entire chest shake on the next inhale. You continue your journey southward until you reach Jay’s stomach, lips joining your hands to explore the pale skin. You kiss every spot your fingers trail against while enjoying the rapid puffs of air Jay was breathing out above you.

Finally you finish unzipping his jeans and gaze back up to Jay to ask for some help with pulling them down his hips.

“What a pretty cock,” you sigh against Jay’s thigh before placing a wet kiss on the tip of him. His chest stutters out a deep breath of embarrassment, always so fucking shy about your dirty words when you still had clothes on.

Your hand wraps gently around the base of Jay’s cock as you kiss up the length of him with an immense amount of care. Your mind is screaming at you again, digging your nails into the meat of Jay’s thighs and dragging them until you leave the slightest of marks on his skin.

Jay’s entire body jumps, sliding his cock against your lips and cheek. You open your mouth to the warm tip of him, swallowing the first few inches of his length with a deep moan from your throat.

“God yes!” Jay’s fingers find your hand, lacing them together tightly. Eyes screwed shut, head thrown back, and knuckles white against your own hand, he is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. You engulf more of his cock into your mouth and move your non-occupied hand down to massage his balls.

Jay’s soft whimper catches your attention, gaze drifting back up his body while pulling your mouth back to the tip of his dick; trying so hard to drag out the pleading noise coming from him. His breath catches in the back of his throat, causing him to whisper his praises to himself more than to you.

“...perfect mouth, so good. You’re so perfect, gonna make me cum in your pretty mouth...”

Your mind lights up with a million new ideas, only just resisting the urge to reach into your own pants. Jay’s eyes were still shut tight, with his sinful words keeping his mind busy you lowered your mouth as far as you could onto his cock, sliding your hand off his balls and back behind you instead.

Your hand reaches for the hard plastic container of the fleshlight, pulling it off the desk and into your lap; with Jay still distracted you kept your motions quick and quiet so he stayed that way.

Unlacing your other hand from his, you shifted both of them to wrap around the fleshlight and moved your mouth back to engulf just the tip of him for a half second; lining the length of his cock in soft kisses was your next step. Reaching the end of him you licked him from bottom to top and curled your tongue over the small drop of precome on the tip.

“I don’t think it’d be fair to cum down my throat when we have company, Jay.”

You pushed the fleshlight down onto his cock, stopping only when the entire length of him was covered by the toy; Jay moaned from deep in his chest, hips pressing up into the fake pussy. Jay’s pace was uncontrolled, the rhythm moving his cock in and out of the fleshlight without his conscious choice.

Waiting patiently, you silently wondered if he’d fuck himself into the toy until he came or if you’d get the pleasure of helping him.

“Ah fuck, not...hrngg, not fair!” Jay finally stops rutting into the fleshlight, giving you the chance to drag the pussy back up him until just the tip of his cock was inside. The same low moan was back, accompanied by Jay chewing at his bottom lip and trying to stare you down at the same time.

You start to pump the toy up and down, leaning back up to kiss Jay’s stomach a few more times. Your lips drift back upwards, kissing along his jawline before finally falling into an actual god damn kiss. His moans vibrate against your lips and you can’t help it when your hand slows down against his cock.

“I wanna make you feel good Jay, love you so much.” You kiss him once more, sinking back down your knees again and licking your own lips at the sight of Jay before you.

His legs are spread wide, leaving room for you to slit back between them and start your slow pace with the fleshlight again; jerking his cock with a steady rhythm. Jay’s hips pressed up into the toy and you move your body to press back into him with both elbows. With your arms keeping both his thighs locked down you grip the fake pussy with two hands.

“Oh no, I’m in charge right now babe.”

You move just a touch faster on his cock, causing Jay to let out a deep whimper. You can just barely feel the muscles under your arms tighten and relax, listening to your words but also desperately wanting to just fuck into the fleshlight until he came.

“Now I’m going to fuck you with this fake pussy until you cum, and then maybe, if you’re really convincing in your performance I’ll let you eat me out just how you like.” You speed up your stroke of the toy against Jay’s cock and lean in to kiss each of his fingers that had dug into the arm rest of the chair.

“You’re gonna, god fuck! On my face? Please baby, shit,” Jay’s fingers curl up and you catch his middle finger in your mouth; you match the speed of the toy and suck on the tip of it.

You moan with Jay this time, slowing your pace on his cock and finger down back to the slow drag once more. Jay moves his hand and shoves his pointer and ring finger into your mouth too, curling them against your tongue while you keep sucking.

Jay buries his face against his chest, gaze drifting to watch your lips around him; he licks his lips and you mimic the action behind your closed mouth against his fingertips.

You press your mouth down, smiling up at him from his lap, and twist the fleshlight against his cock. Jay breathes out a low hiss, pushing his fingers further back into your throat while his hips do the same to the toy.

Humming around his fingers, you relax your grip around the fleshlight and let Jay continue to rut into it; he keeps an uneven pace, sinking his cock into the fake pussy while his fingers pull in and out of your mouth.

“I’m gonna...gonna cum,” Jay speaks into his chest, continuing to watch you suck on his fingers while he fucks into the toy you’re holding. You start to move the fleshlight against his cock again, going against the rhythm he’d set for himself and that’s all it takes.

Jay’s body tenses up, fingers pulled from your mouth and digging into your cheek instead. You manage to pull the toy off his dick and capture the tip of him in your mouth just before he finishes; Jay’s hand follows you and wraps around the base of himself to jerk his cum into your waiting mouth.

“Take it, it’s all yours. Perfect...all yours.”

His cum hits the back of your tongue first, filling your entire mouth before you swallow it down and move to take the rest of him as well. You stop at the bottom of his shaft, enjoying the heavy smell of him before the noises from him turn from pleasure to over sensitivity and you finally move off him.

You take the moment to take a mental snapshot. Jay’s chest is heaving slightly, his deep breathing causing his chest hair to ruffle slightly on every exhale; his dick is fully spent, softening against his stomach.

“Beautiful.” Jay blushes immediately, face to chest turning pink in embarrassment. Once more you kiss the tip of him, the soft whimper coming from Jay making it all worth it.

You kiss his lips again, leaning your forehead against his and just enjoying the moment with him.

“Were you serious about sitting on my face?”

“You’re insatiable!”

**Author's Note:**

> Posting my first fic into a pretty small fandom, and I just had to make it reader insert porn didn’t I?
> 
> Title is lyrics from “Winona Ryder” by Picture This, even though I spent the majority of writing this listening to “Arms Tonite” by Mother Mother. 
> 
> To lodge a complaint, comment! To give praise, tell squishyjay on tumblr THANK YOU for motivating me to finish this, reading this, and inflating my ego.


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